My light, my heart.

It's so nice to feel so put together.  Not physically like in a nice bright top that makes you pop kind of  beauty, but mentally. I spent a good amount of time today with my son and with some very good friends and I'm just bursting with love. I think to myself, there is really not much time to love the people we are really meant to love. Time to sip on tea and laugh the afternoon away, to discuss engaging books or just to sit and enjoy the sunset. True friends. They are precious and not many. The pressures of society haunt me though as I play out my thoughts. You know, "the face" we need to put on to please everyone in sight and to fear rather than to respect authority, to conform rather then to voice out.  I remember spending my younger days in much silence as I didn't really see the point in voicing out when some people really aren't worth the effort.
  I guess in a way, that is how I guarded my heart.

 I grew up in a highly disciplined environment which in a way didn't make it hard for me. It suited my personally, my true friends know me and I thank God for giving me the greatest friends.
 How do you guard your heart?
 

So, I was thinking about all of this today and a bible verse really hit a nerve from Joyce Meyer's teachings.
It says..

 We need to guard our own hearts.  Guard our hearts, Guard our hearts.
We are the masters of our heart. Don't let those voices haunt you.

Proverbs 4:23 " Keep vigilant watch over your heart;  that's where life starts"
Think about that. It's a strong message. It´s an easy message

Valparaiso and stuff

Again?  I know right, but you do realize we really love this place?  We had such an amazing break this past long weekend that I had to share the hotel and of course the places that we dined at. We stayed at the Boutique Hotel 17. Would I recommend it? Let me first re-cap. Well, it had its serious perks - one being the bay view room.  Equiped with its own generous terrace which opens out from the room. It is generally accesible to public, but blocked when there are guest.  It was just brilliant getting up to a breathtaking sea view. The hotel also has a fully functional common kitchenette set in the midst of a mini apartment setting which made things easy for the storing and the heating of LA's food. Then the feeding in the comfy brightly decorated sofa area, makes one feel so at home with the tv and such.  The staff was also really accommodating and offered to help out in this area. Secondly, massages are generally unheard of especially in the first year of your baby's life especially on holiday. This hotel provided this service so Luis and I took turns looking after the baby while the other got pampered! Something's gotta give . Pure bliss. Luis actually was so relaxed that he slept past his hour and was abandoned by the masseuse. Aside from the massage, there is a sauna and a hydromassage facility that can be accessed during the stay.

Food food food. Luis and I love food. We usually try different places, but this time we had to go back to Samsara. Again. Why? Cos it never fails. This restaurants wins hands down for the best Thai food in Chile. We didn't take photos this time, but if you search my blog there is an earlier entry on the restaurant and the Red curry that I had.  One word - contentment-  just the right amount of spice and consistency. Luis had the Solomillo again after not being overly thrilled about the last fish dish. Obvious choice to return to, as it's just one of those dishes which gets you salivating just thinking about it. From our previous little chat to the chef, we discovered something like a total of 3 days to  prepare this delicate dish. A definite must-try people!

A must mention this time is how special we were made to feel and the first class treatment we received by the hotel with its combined efforts with the renowned restaurant next to it - La Concepcion. With a baby traveling and without a babysitter, there is almost a 0 chance of having a romantic dinner unless room service counts. We were so blessed to have food delivered to our private terrace so we had a 3 course dinner with our own waiter.  Normally, one would have had to have paid a ton for this and not forgetting the added prep time! We are blessed.

We do love each other abundantly and it pains us when we don't have enough time together.  We are best friends in its entirety. This dinner was perfect.  Short getaways are always nourishing for us and I do believe we have angels looking out for us. Things just seem to come together.  The next challenge would have to be an overnight stay and the leaving of little LA in the care of Granny Chile. It's not something I would do in a blink of an eye but after numerous conversations with Luis about it ( sobbing to the discussions of it..) I do agree that it would be a healthy thing to do. Our relationship and its nurturing is essential in the bringing up of our son. So the challenge is on.

The challenge to let LA grow up as independently as possible but bursting with love;  knowing that we'll be gone for a while but we'll be back.

A very good friend of mine said to me once that I should try not to leave the things that make us a couple, besides she said, the baby is an addition to the family. Thus, the baby should fit in. I really believe in this. Happiness is delivered from the parents down. So happy parents first promotes a happy child and hopefully a happy family.  I see parents who think that they have given up everything for their kids and use this as though their kids owe them something in return and thus the cycle of, "after all I've done" begin and never end.  I don't agree in this form of parenting and it really tires me to hear parents complaining about their kids.  At least if you must, say 5 things that compliment before the 1 complain.

On the flip side,  doing things out of love because love means not wanting anything in return first brings another form of reaction and zero resentment from either side. 

Do you ever think about what kind of parent you would like to be? Like to be perceived as? This is at the forefront of my mind. I am always willing to learn from happy families for it is such a joy to be around them.  I think about how I would of liked to have been brought up if I had the chance to re-live my childhood days again. Not that I didn't have a good one , don't get me wrong. But there is always room for improvement. I think even if you ask me down the road if I could have been a better mom, I'm pretty sure I would say yes. This helps me everytime I'm around my little boy, to look at him with love even when I'm so tired and not in the best frame of mind.  Even though all this might sound self-righteous,  I do believe if we don't try..how can we improve. Right?

So, It's an everyday thing. One step at a time.

I'm glad I waited and really knew Luis before I had a child. Everything seems more manageable and easy. Without a strong foundation it's impossible to bring up a happy kid. So, I'm I thinking of more kids? Yes, but in time.. as kids need love and love can only be given when you have the time, energy and the support even financially speaking and most importantly,

you are at whole with yourself to deal with all the physical and mental changes that come inevitably. 

Plus, at 1 plus,  little LA is just too much of fun! to have to miss out on his little antics would be a sacrifice I am not willing to give up just yet!

Thus, I choose to wait,  I'll will patiently and the angels will guide me, us.. as they have always done. Oh, and yes, I would recommend the Hotel!

Wouldn't you?

Room with a view

Us

My loves of my life

Thoughts and A New Month

This new year was somewhat a new milestone for me in the way I live my life. Since having my son, I realized that I've felt such a huge sense of purpose in trying to do something right for someone else rather than myself. It got me thinking about simple things in my daily life. Thoughts of "what if ?" cloud my mind and is subdued by prayers. Below are the things I think about very so often now, things I've figured out and the way I'm trying to live my life.

1. Who would look after my son if Luis and I passed suddenly? Who has given me such love and security in  my life which surpasses even money? This question I have answered today. I'm glad I know.

2. I no longer think about my needs and wants anymore. This is such a great feeling. There is something so beautiful about living with a lot less. I have a huge desire to get rid of things which is leaving my home a lot more spacious especially my closet.

3. I say no to free stuff now. Trust me you get funny looks! :)

4. I try to do something nice for someone per week.  Today I let the car behind me take the park right in front of the supermarket. I found one 2 rounds later.

5. I think about how I might work again here in Chile, my true passion I think has surfaced and it brings a smile to my face.

6.  How I am truly happy and passionate about my marriage. It brings a smile to my face.

7.  It is important to try to keep calm and together in any situation. Strength comes from God.

8.  I vow to support my son in all ways. In his choices in life, in his occupation. As long as it's not harmful to anyone of course. 

9.  I remember the pains of growing up too quick. Also, in a way how that turned out to be my greatest gift

10. I know that if other peoples' concerns predominant my mind,  I'm not being true to myself.

11. I rather be honest and be hated than be fake.

12. I used to be very quiet, but now I know to speak to those that hear me and I'm blessed as I have great great people in my life

13. That children are the greatest gift from God if you realize it. I haven't laughed so much in my life. I catch myself starring at my son very so often.

14. I think about my lost cook book. Now where is it?

15. How I may use my clothes differently to save money.

16. To learn to say no to people. To not say only what people want to hear. To tell people things honestly if they ask, sometimes I just tell. True friends appreciate things like that.

17.  How to live a healthier life,  think about the meals we have at home. I don't spend more than an hour in the kitchen preparing them, but I hope I'll always prepare them with love.

18.  How difficult my Nana's life is with a 8 month old and how I could help her.

19.  How important is it to have a few hours in the week for myself. Simple thing like a hot cup of coffee and a slice of cake is therapeutical.

20. Who I haven't kept in touch for a while now, and people I must write to.

21. How food scared me at one stage of my life, and how I love to eat now but at the same time how much I respect my body to maintain it and work at it.

22. How nice it is to be in a warm home while it is raining outside. It was a trying time - to be "house-less" at times to be living with "friends"

23. I think twice before I complain.

24. Jesus all the time. I sing little hymns to my son and most of the time it calms him.

25. People that are nice. Don't they just radiate? I have a few friends like that. It's marvelous.

26. How parents are responsible for their children - good and bad. How much good they have done is always overshadowed by the hurt they have imparted upon their children. 

27. My glass of  red wine that my Luis never fails to offer me at the end of the day when we're relaxing after LA is in bed.

28. My Friday nights with Luis.

29. Names of my future kids. 

30. My grandfather.

Surprises

Don't you all love a good surprise? I'm one that likes them most of the time. I prefer things nice,  orderly and thus like to get things done with a lot of planning. My son is 1! Time has flown! As I look back on the year, how can I claim that I don't like surprises. He has certainly surprised me in so many ways and has taught me to live life a lot more spontaneously. It's very hard to try to fight that. Believe me, I have tried to work around looking after my son and trying to get things done as per usual.. you know how it used to be - nap when tired, grab a new book, spontaneously try a new recipe, take random walks, draw a bath and the big one - sleep in..oh,  how Luis and I miss that. To be honest though, we have nothing to complain,  we are so blessed.  LA follows such a good routine and sticks to it and that in itself has given us both some sanity.  He started sleeping in his own room at 2.5 months. I respected his needs then as a baby and now as a toddler making this new life as a mom very enjoyable.
He has taught me to be selfless, which I think is essential in today

 - you can't reap the benefits of life if you just take, take and take. Have you tried clearing out your closet and giving your unused clothed away? One word. LIBERATING.

Anyhow, these are the 10 things my little one has surprised me with up to this year:

1. He comes and gives me kisses, even when I ask for one randomly and repeatedly throughout the day.
2. He no longer nibbles on my phone but now passes my phone to me when it sounds. I know right? Happened once last week and I was in total shock convincing myself of course that he is indeed a genious.
3. He is such a good story teller and is always jabbering
4. He crawled to the door when Luis arrived from work one day. He brightens up in delights as soon as he hears the door, without fail.
5. He is SO independent.  He can entertain himself for hours with his toys, but I must admit he loves it when Daddy or Mummy is around. Even now he has been in his playroom for over 30 minutes as I scribble away here.
6. He hardly cries.  Luis and I freak out when he does and think to ourselves - something is really wrong!
7. He has really regular stools. ( Honestly -  0900, 1300 and 1700 hrs is a sure thing! ) Anything in between really depends on the diet. Don't you all love a good poo?  Oh, he's like a little person really only follows the routine in the comfort of his own home. If we're out for lunch, he will wait till we get back. Cool huh? LOVE him.
8. He loves Baby TV and certain ones, you know like we love our shows
9. He slept in the water during all his swimming lessons at 5 months,  yes amidst all the noise and kids kicking and screaming. I guess the water was calming.
10. He eats whatever I feed him! and I'm super cautious about his diet. Healthy steamed home cooked food - up to now, no salt, no added sugar as per Dr's orders . Oh, but he did enjoy his 1 year old birthday cake - a  very normal ( minus the brandy and coffee) family recipe of chocolate cake!! He is free now to eat anything, .

                     Slowly letting go ...it's so so tough. 

I know I have issues people which I can smile about now or rather with you :)

Isn't he lovely? :) I melt every time I'm with him and that's almost every moment of the day.

Desk excitement!

I don´t think I´ve ever been so happy about sitting at a desk. Although, this is so different . It´s at my very own home at its designated space that has been left empty for almost 2.5 years since we moved in. Oh, you know it´s nothing spectacular but it´s functional. Luis and I concluded - it´s no where as perfect as what we envisioned, but it´s ours, it´s in our own space and that means our home is one step closer to completion. Thoughts about possible relocation for once saddens us, just for a minute. However, we both went to bed smiling, after admiring our home as our gorgeous baby boy now at almost 1 year slept in his beautiful room we designed together.

 

This post today will be about what I've learnt since motherhood.  At present, I´m feeling much more in order you know sitting at a desk and all.  So, I thought I'll better jot down the 5 most important things I have discovered about travelling with a baby below 1 year. Hope this helps you anxious travel moms.  Luis and I just got home not long ago from our first international trip with our 11 month old  son,  Luis Andrés  ( LA) . Thus, the points below are fairly fresh.

 

1. Travel lite. A small sling bag will do. In mine. Wallet, a lipstick ( it's nice to try to look presentable), contact lenses, ( nothing worst than a blind mom),  mirror,

documents, rinse free alcohol.

  Hands free mobility is so essential

 

2. Baby's bag. Diapers ! Estimate please. No need to prepare for diarrhea. Wet wipes, a changing mat,  a change of clothes, for baby and you. 1-2 toys only. Seriously, babies will find things on board to entertain themselves with. Milk, water or juice for take off and landing. Even better for those that breastfeed, one less thing to worry about.  (I'll pat myself on the back for those 7 months  I did though, did I mention 7 months? )

 

3. Food. All that worry, why, why, why did I worry so much? See, I have always home cooked LA's food. So the thought of buying processed food really made me feel like crying. So I harassed my paranoid mommy friends too and I received great advice.  Freeze food and ice-pack them then check the food in. Bring the needed meals on board. The liquid rule doesn't apply.  At least for a couple of days, you won't have to worry about food. This worked wonderfully for us!

We had 3 days of meals we didn't have to worry about.  Especially those first few days

 

4. Remember...  ask.  The kitchen of any decent hotel will oblige. Ours went as far as saying they would BBQ the food for LA. You know Argentina and their meat, their,  BBQ's.  Luis said thanks, but boiling will do! Still cracks me up. Isn't that the sweetest thing though. 

 The kitchen almost always have blenders of some sort if needed.
I would bring the spoon that your baby is used to though.

 

 

5. Get a baby sitter service. We were so lucky to have a few romantic nights out as our baby slept away under the care of a reputable baby sitter.

 Advice the hotel on the arrangement and your whereabouts. 

Next My Son's 1st birthday! Still thinking of having kids or not? Well......it's so nice to think and focus on someone else, your life becomes so much more worth living.

Treasures

Couldn´t resist talking about my treasures. My biggest earthly treasure now is my son. The kind of treasure that drives you to want to be around it all the time, to invest in it, to give it your all.  So how is life as a mother? I always say, it´s extraordinary. It's also an extraordinary form of love.   Sometimes, I look back at my 10 year relationship with Luis, my husband and I smile, how lucky  no... how blessed was I to have met him. To know that kind of love - a partner in life to take me through its turns.. and at such a young age.

 Life seems meaningless without love.We are meant to love and to be loved.

 

 Now, I am showered with another kind of love from Luis Andrés. So distinctive, so pure, so peaceful,  something I believe you can only feel when you really want a child not even if you just have children. Just imagine. Another whole dimension to feeling "love". I´m glad Luis and I prayed for our child, and we do pray continuously for his well being. This morning Luis said to me, I pray everyday that he´ll grow up loved, he´ll grow up to be a good person. It´s so nice to have a husband that just prays. Does yours? Do you wish he does? Pray for him then.

 

Being a mom has shifted the paradigm for me. It's a great feeling to finally understand a few things that I thought I knew and understood to really feeling it to the bone now. When I think of the responsibilities as a mom, a parent, I think of how much my own mom has done for me yet at the same time pursued such an amazing career.  The biggest lesson my mom has thought me is to be focus on your current task. She left her worries at work, and left our worries at home when she went to work. This essentially is what I have taken from her. To just be at the moment with my son and my husband. The power of being in the moment.
As you can see, my earthly treasures lie within my family.

 

As mother day approaches, it's nice to share in its celebration with my own mother, my mother-in-law, to think about my grandmothers, my aunties, to relate to single mothers out there and to think about how things must have been and still is for these significant people in the world.  To have the common ground of the essentials of being a mom -  always wanting to give the best to our children. Sacrifices, I think people call it at times.  I don't anymore. When you love something so much, it's barely a sacrifice.  A job over your child? Time to travel versus your child?  Being a mom, these things don't even cross your mind.  Perhaps the juggling of time to try to fit everything in. Now that I am a mom, I know once I feel like I am sacrifiying anything, is when I have forgotten my most precious gift from God. My son.

Things I know for sure now even though this is all fairly new to me is that the biggest gift I could give my son is to just be there - to listen to him, to be present in his life, to laugh the hardest at his jokes and to uphold him always. Even though he doesn't talk yet, it's wonderful to see how excited he gets when we say "bravo"!! and we clap our hands and how he glees with excitement at his little achievements. It´s priceless.  It melts my heart!  In my books, it is so much  better to have a spoilt kid than to have an uncared for child. To have a child that thinks he's the most beautiful thing that has existed to mankind than see him live with self doubt.

 

 I thank God for everything constantly, for this little miracle at large.

Now I have the biggest responsibility to date  - to raise him to be pleasing in God's eyes.

  So far, being a mother beats every other thing I have done in my life! It's so fulfilling.

 

 I'm a proud Mother to my son.
  Luis Andrés Unda Mathews, you are so so loved!!

 

Happy Mother's Day 2013 to us mums who share such a special bond  xx

My husband Luis shot this one of restful LA one fine Sunday afternoon 

 

10 months !

    I'm back back back!! "10 months", is my title because that is the age of my son - Ah,  my beloved son. Who is at this minute crawling around my feet. It's been so bizarre when I think about the time and where it has all gone. Sure flies by though, especially when you have so much to do. I've been so blessed to have all this time with him to see him develop into a soon- to- be toddler. There is just an unexplainable sense of contentment in being a mum, a parent. So life is very fulfilling and it's just rather odd I´ve chosen to restart my blog today, I've been nana-less for over a week and I have my little one on the loose! but you know... he's a sweety and very independent and... I could go on and on about him which I won´t bore you with today.
 As he is my treasure and your treasure may lie elsewhere.

    However, I would like to honour a dear friend of mine who has left Chile after 3 years. We built an amazing friendship here and she has somewhat brought me through my pregnancy and these 10 months. The beautiful Geraldine Chin. Oh, what a gem. Of course the ever so sweet Anya, her 2.5 year old daughter; in which, I somehow think of them as a unit - all at the same time. Anya is Gerry, Gerry is Anya. I know, you're thinking, what the heck right? Don't ask me to elaborate.

    People come in and out of my life here in Santiago and it is really important to broaden friendships as a dear friend of mine  kindly reminded me just the other day.  In saying that,  I do not regret spending an excessive amount of time and wanting to know her every move these last few months, to see if I could perhaps squeeze a coffee in there somehow. All in all, my relationship with Gerry has given me a new sense of respect and perspective of life.  Such as matters of time and what is precious and worth a bit of splurge and then simple things on how to just let go and enjoy life a bit more. This was re-enforced to me on our last day spent together, a late Friday evening as I was in her living room with the kids ( amused at Anya as usual as she related to Luis Andres some story that was lingering on her creative mind and needed to be released ), as I glanced toward Gerry at her dining table casually sipping on wine ( at 1600hrs) and chatting to her Japanese group of friends she was with.   Coming back to "my letting go" is as simple as this.  I have finally left my bed undone after years of getting up and doing my bed. With Luis still in it and Luis out of it. Ha ha I'm obsessive like that.  Funny, Crazy,  which ever way you choose to view me.  At Gerry's on that fine evening, I finally had a tour of her apartment and entered her master bedroom and went ,"well see ....you too make your bed"! Gerry replied "oh, I learnt that from you! Ah, simple things like that.
We are friends like that.  Little do we know how much we feed off each other.

Gerry is the kind of girl that will just be there for you. Thank you so much for everything; for introducing me to hot baths, the little Asian store a metro away which I was oblivious to and to countless other things like letting my little boy crawl freely around the place without worrying myself silly.  Last but not the least, for reminding me that we somehow always make it through tough times.  That at one stage of our lives,  when I was having my lunch alone and very very new to this country, you were there too in your apartment having lunch by yourself.
So, here's to a lifetime of friendship I'll know we'll have! 

 

        See you in Asia like we talked! ....
One fine day with our kids, with or without our husbands lying down on some beach in Thailand sipping on some cocktail, perhaps a Martini??:) Till then, it's a beautiful beautiful dream.

All the best, my lovely Gerry!

 

Love letter to Luis

What I'm about to share brings back memories of how I used to write to Luis during the weeks when we were apart during our years of long distance.  When I re-read our e-mail letters, cards, little notes - how invaluable they were and still are to me.  Many people write about their experiences during pregnancy and their feelings and in fact people have asked me to write about this.  To document it in some form or another. However, I think there's enough talk about it all, enough complains mostly of up and downs and advice ! So, I've decided to write to my son instead  My Luis Andrés. Maybe one day I´ll pass it on to him, actually I think I might just do that.

My dearest Son,

       You´re 34 weeks today. It's been an amazing journey - your Papa and I really wanted you. We have envisioned you time and time again.  Because of that, this whole experience has been so quick, so easy and time just seemed to have flown by.  Any discomfort I felt or have been feeling during it all, seem to pass by, mostly unaffected, overshadowed by all the love I feel for you already. Can I love you any more? I feel I might just burst with love! ( I most likely can, since I feel like a bubble, and look like one too)  I think it's possible however to love deeper.  It's the same way I feel about your Papa. Through the years, we have grown as people, a deeper kind of love and I'm happy to bring you into the world with that unconditional love I know you'll have. Everyday he shows us love, he comes home to look for us - for you, for Mama and to say how much he loves you already, to feel you move and to have a little chat to you. He does the same first thing in the morning. He lights up when he talks about you, when he shows your tiny 3D photo to friends.  That in itself has been a huge comfort to me - those kind eyes. I hope you'll always see this in our little family, and know that strong relationships are the basis to happiness. That our love will shine through you, to help you make your way in this world, which can be harsh, abrasive and cold. Always know you'll have a haven where you can come home to and forget the world;  hold on tight to that knowledge. That you'll always have ears to listen to and arms to embrace you, when what you need is  more than words .

     Maybe you're wondering how it must have all been. So what have we been up to these days? Where do I start? Well, to tell you frankly, I'm looking more like a bubble everyday and because of that, I'm trying to take things a bit slower, walking from one end to the other end of the apartment is a mission!  See son, people keep telling me to take it easy, but I know that the only way I'm going to keep sane is by doing and preparing everything nice and early. I know I'm probably driving your Papa up the wall with the constant list of things we need to do and the silent hint every week of hey, your son is 10 week, 15 weeks, 30 week and of course being a Thursday I did it again yesterday- 34 weeks and hey, he's the size of a pineapple!!  Anyways, today I've started preparing your bag for the hospital- your clothes. First lot you'll be wearing are in the washing on a cycle named "Babywear" Your Papa, on the other hand, where do I start? He's been incredible with your room. He works on it whenever he can.  With the drawing and colouring of it. It's touching to see him and the pains on his face when it thinks he's not doing the best job. One day, we'll talk about these drawings together for sure and probably read the book that your Uncle Pali gave us. I must admit, I had a mini heart attack when Papa mentioned he wanted to draw in  your room, but oh- how-wrong I was!!! and how how lucky you are my Luis Andrés!!  Hopefully you´ll find it as special as I do. I look at the drawings everyday and have silent dreams of carrying you about them and showing them to you.

           I'll share a bit about how everyone feels about you now.. Aunt Ness, Uncle Alex are back in Malaysia with your grandparents. They love you so much already. My wish is that one day we'll all be together and you'll be able to know these wonderful people, learn a bit of the language, the culture and spend some quality time with them. That's your Papa's wish too.  He always talks about it. Oh, and I do hope you´ll grow to love Malaysian food like your Papa. Your great grandfather also thinks about you, he's 87 this year and knows about you. I hope we'll be able to see him together soon, he had a bad fall the other day He was attacked by the neighbours dog. I'm beginning to not like the idea of having pets.  Unless you insist and we stay clear from Dingos, why camping trips are far from an ideal getaway for me.  One day I'll tell you the story of the Dingo and the baby if you haven't heard already. Your Papa has a funny phrase he always says about this, that's what happens when you watch too much tele..but I must admit it's funny!

                    Here in Chile, you have so many people who love you already. Your grandparents and aunt and uncle love you to bits and they actually went a bit crazy with your gifts last week. You're lucky as you'll be growing up in their love. I know this because they have showered me with so much love and care since I've arrived in Chile.  My friends have been so kind too.  I have had had the best baby showers and you were showered with so much love. It's comforting bringing you into the world, where you'll be surrounded with all these people. I hope you'll always appreciate the people around you, to not take people for granted and value the people in your life.

                 I know you'll grow up well, with so much love, and would go places and I know it would be hard for me to let you go, however, I'm cautious that I´ll only be depriving you of the many experience even at this time that Papa and I have had and enjoyed. I have no doubt you'll do well in life, but always remember to hold on close to God, he'll guide your path as he has always done for Papa and Mama too.  Like I do understand now why your grandmother bought her apartment 5 blocks from your Papa now. It all makes perfect sense.  Is it too much to ask..for you to consider this in the future? Maybe, just maybe.
       
              My dearest son, oh, how I'm waiting to see you, to feel you, to hold you close to me.  I'm feeling so content, so full of love and never alone especially when Papa is working and I'm missing him.  I feel your constant movements and my heart has never felt the same. You put a smile on my face everyday and you're not even here yet. I adore you son, I love you so much already. Only 6 weeks to go! Well if you´re anything like your Papa, you'll be full of surprises - you might surprise me earlier , but son, life is always full of surprises all the time and that mostly makes life so beautiful.  The best advice I can give you is to embrace it all. To love people, to appreciate all the good in your life and to walk in faith.

               Ah, that reminds me, thank God for Baby Cycles and washing machines - I need to check on that load of laundry, don't want any surprises, any shrinkages - your clothes are tiny as it is already!

                                                                                                                                  With endless love,
                                                                                                                             Your loving Mother xx
                                                                                                     

Precious Moments

Sometimes words past us by and sometimes they just linger on and sustain us in times of need. Perhaps, when life doesn´t seem very adventurous. Other times, maybe it´s just not substantial enough to make a difference.  Yet. I search for these words and try to hold on to them. Other times, words are not needed at all and they can  still make a difference - some people watch us and say nothing and give us a sense of well-being after all. On the other hand, I have friends that make me laugh until I cry. For a few specials, I have an inner sense of comfort when I seek them or when I chat to them online. Sometimes we don't need a lot - everyday, all the time.

Sometimes, it's just better holding on to precious moments.

I received this wonderful surprise delivered to my front door 2 weeks ago- I still have no idea who from!

           

Celebrating our 9 years of being together, sometimes a day can bring a lifetime of a difference
 - 7 March 2012, KY Restaurant, this time with Virgin Mojitos :)

At our little special Wednesday Asian lunch - there's just something about these gatherings we have

 " I'm really gonna miss your baby bump" - Luis, after coming back from work last week

- isn't that just the sweetest thing? especially when you're feeling like a lump of some sort :)

Thoughts After A Year

Where do I begin or rather where should I begin? I've been here for over a year now in fact.  This actually takes me back to months before my wedding.  There were so many voices, so many thoughts and opinions and even the mention from close ones -how life would change drastically - life would not always be a bed of roses.  Well, come to think, it really hasn't struck a cord in my life. Although, time seems to be really flying by. Sometimes it feels like -  I will never have enough time with my love ones -it seems like a day has never enough hours in it, I jump out or rather roll out of bed at 8am, sleep at 12am and don't even work. What happens to my time? Something not worth worrying about I guess.  Perhaps it's a good feeling to have and to hold.
 To somehow come to realization of the importance of counting the small hours - the hours that matter the most - the ones that we mostly let slip by- the ones that actually seem trivial.

So, how does it all make sense in a foreign place, how is it that life can be such, especially when life prior was so predictable in the sense of the mundane; wake up, go to work, sleep. I guess it's the life you finally chose and keep choosing. How important it is to hide-away from the negatives and the thoughts of other peoples' norm,  experiences and expectations.  How significant are their involvement in your life? I say, close your ears to the things that are ugly and take a chance in life. You might just feel a sense of total liberation and of rather... contentment.
" If it feels good, it can't be that bad"!

The list that follows entails how I got out of my shell here in Chile and what life outside has given me  in return by just living it a bit and following my heart.

1.   I got into a language school as soon as possible - especially if  you happen to be in a foreign place like myself

2.   Ventured out - I just started walking and felt great after just 5 minutes of crossing the road from my mother-in-laws' - It was at that time, a quiet sense of satisfaction.

3.   Contacted my local embassy- there's nothing like having your peoples' back

4.   Been having familiar tasting meals once in a while - in my case, Chile's  neon sweet and sour pork did it for me during the first couple of weeks. Not any more. One gets thirsty for more.
 An Asian will always be "Asian" where food in concerned.
Luckily, Santiago has really grown in the area of Asian cuisine.

5.   Browsed around for societies or groups that i could join -expat groups etc

6.   Smiled even if at times it felt like I was from a different planet, an alien of some sort
7.   Got exercising and got out of the house- It SO makes a different even if you have full facilities at home

8.   Got hooked up to skype and got talking - oh, and had backups when the time differences came into play!

9.   I have had plenty of time-outs to relax and have had lots of "me times" - especially if you have the leisure of staying at home like myself.

10. I learnt to treasure my primordial reason of being in my situation - is it your husband? your chosen job?  your innate need to explore? I know what's mine.

11. I regularly e-mail close friends to have a sense of belonging

12. I have my your own stuff aside from the combine hubby-wife stuff- little girly get-togethers, pedicure and manicure sessions. I normally do something nice for myself once a week.
Why not live a little? Even if it's spending extra time in the shower.

13. Embarked on my own journey of finding my independence;  I learnt the trains, the buses until walking felt better than waiting for a lift.  Following someone around isn´t always fun.

14. Got a couple of new hobbies- mine thus far has been photography and trying new recipes

15. Worked on my spiritually - and no no.. I don't mean falling asleep in church every Sunday kinda thing.
16. I cut unnecessary people out of my life. We have one life ( unless you're a cat of course ;) so why spend time with people that make you feel less than perfect?

But.what if life really just sucks on a particular day? My friend asked me the other day.
 "Don't you ever just sob"?

 Well, we're largely dictated by our environment, so it's not always easy to be in la la land 24/7. For example here in Santiago, there's this annoying clown that harasses the crap out of people in the buses. Literally "a clown", you know.... a funny -looking specimen that wears a red nose sorta thing and makes a living out of, "trying" to make people laugh. Well, this particular clown,
has a totally opposite effect on me -  he just gives me the creeps.

  An environmental factor I suppose.
 I bump into him every now and then. It's funny aye how diabolical clowns can get.
 I blame it on that movie, "IT"... at least for me.

   I did answer yes to  that question my friend asked me by the way.

  Sob if you can't diffuse it.  Self-pity is helpful at times.  Best carried out during your alone time though - bathroom floor works well; the annoying echo normally shuts- you- up after a while, after of course you've realized that you're annoying yourself by just being there and making all that noise.
and hey, when you look back at your crying episode.....

you'll just smile :)

What else can you do? when everything else fails

so always believe someone has your back, because someone always does.
 With love and thoughts of this beautiful country
....in spite of Mr. Chilean Clown xx

With my cell group at Madam Tusan's - finally had dim sum after too long

At Chang Thai's- with my Wednesday eating, "Asian True blood" group:) The best Thai Restaurant to date; we met the Thai chef etc which happens to be Gerry's friend of course, her husband being Thai- lucky us!
 we received bigger portions and got the best service

Brunch Birthday do :)

My Great 2011

How quickly has my first year in Chile flown! There are too many beautiful things I better not forget about 2011: opportunities, friendships and particulars that I guess will forever change within me. So I've made this list (in no particular order). It's a way better form for me to count my blessings and remember the year in a nicely packed gift box with a big bow which I can pull open and look through when in need. The profound thing I learnt was that, as different as a place or how distinct my experiences might be, there is always a possibility of calling a place, "home" where ever that place may be.  This particular notion just makes me happy. Doesn't it make you?
 So here's my list of goodies xx

1.  I have a fantastic mother-in-law that housed us for 9 months.  Not only this year, but every other time I've lived in Chile. She's probably the dream mother-in-law for those that wish you could just disappear everytime you're at your in-laws. Plus, she's so poised and refined!

2. Luis managed to secure his previous job in BAT even after resigning to leave for AsiaPacific and did excellently in his job. He recently got promoted and is enjoying his work. Oh, we scored a new car with it, meaning I get Luis's Terracan :)

3. Traveled to a few countries in Europe : France, Italy, Netherlands and we caught up with our friends from our University and a couple of really good friends. Was awesome and invaluable!

4. We bought a home which we absolutely adore and somehow we're almost done with the furnishing! minus a room which will be done soon enough ;) and also a study area which we are working on.

5. I fulfilled my 2 major quest of being in Chile  for the first year. Firstly, to improve my Spanish, which I'm at a comfortable level now, Oh , I tell you! it's a lot of fun especially in the malls now :) and secondly, I was given the biggest gift of all, I'm pregnant and we are just over-joyed. Baby Unda.. we are waiting to meet you our love.

6. My parents visited us for the first time in Chile and we traveled all around the country. We covered the spectacular bits - The north, Atacama dessert the driest in the world and the South of Chile, Torres de Paine among the other Southern attractions that we saw - was high up there on the highlights ( a week before it got ablaze!) and also brought them to our close- to-the- heart Valparaiso as our Christmas gift to them.

7. I gotta love my father-in-law! What a great Christmas present for my parents, Luis and I for our trip to the South of Chile was a gift from him. Aside from that, he is also the dream father-in-law. I wait to see him in the weekends.

8. I found an excellent Pilates' studio to attend. I'm so thankful my pregnancy is going well and I  can continue it.

9. There are many more Asian shops around Chile and authentic food is getting more and more accessible now. From Korean to Chinese to Indian. On top of that, I must thank my parents also for sending me a box of goodies from home. It has arrived safely and is waiting for my hunger pangs to strike!

10. My mum was able to stay a month longer with me now, and is returning to Chile again for my birth. Thank you God for great flights! Emirates had a never before offer just a week back.

11. I have a great groups of ladies as friends here in Chile. Both socially and spiritually.

12. My Brother and Sister-in- law are great friends.

13. My Chilean Permanent Residence is well on its way after only a year of living in Chile and that also means I'm one step closer to securing my Chilean drivers licence.

14. Even though I have friends walking-in and out of my life (physically) God  has always put great people around me and at the same time have taught me to let go of some which I have done! Why waste time.

15. I have a great gynaecologist who speaks English too! Well delicate matters need to be handled well I guess! ;)

16. Thank God Thank God Thank God for our new maid!! She's God sent. She does everything that you would normally wish you wouldn't have to ask your maid to do. Even the scum that hides in hard to reach areas in the bath tub. God only knows, with my ever growing stomach,  I'll just fall over trying to clean it. Plus I'm obsessive about cleaning! Jenny definitely brings back some sanity in my life.

17. I have a wonderful husband that I can laugh with and be proud of. That still makes me feel like there is no one else in the world, when he looks at me and makes my heart flutter when I see him.

18. I have had such a wonderful pregnancy that I'm starting to really embrace the idea of  having 3 kids.

19. I managed to learn a few photography tips from a really good friend and I'm really enjoying it.

20. Luis & I found our little favourite escape spot and it's here in Chile

 Oh, I'm just glad I doubled my list this year effortlessly! Happy New Year's all.

Enjoy life and you'll truly live  xx

Fabulous pork ribs & beef for dinner

We got to appreciate the fireworks from the terrace of our apartmenet- the whole 20 minutes without having to fight for the best spot!

My 31st Birthday Dinner with Family. Mum cooked her Macaroni dish & Luis a Red Sauced Pasta- was divine

Luis took me for a more intimate birthday dinner at the newest Korean BBQ restauramt in Santiago

Vichuquen

Columbus's Day happened to fall on a Monday; and that mostly means - where do we head to?  We didn't have to think too much as our friends, Mari and Mika invited us to their lake house in picturesque Vichuquen with another couple. It was a real treat for us. The most memorable was waking up to the still and magnificent view of the lake while having our breakfast.  They really spoilt us rotten. Imagine...
we woke up to find the whole deal. Even waffles I tell you!
Some people are nice. 

 Others are just wonderful.

It was an extremely good rest away from Santiago at their cabin like wonder of a place. It takes just under 5 hours towards the South of Santiago by land. Really helps to have a fourwheel for matters of shakiness and dizziness, I rather not remember.  By day, we had  nice speedboat trips around the lake, where the brave ones and I must admit talented ones, enjoyed their bouts of water-skiing, by afternoon, the grill gets started off and by night, we enjoyed chit-chats by the fireplace. The nights were sealed with nice cosy dinners and the many clicks of wine glasses.

Chile has not failed to surprise me. I'm blessed to have opportunies like this. Actually it seems surreal that I have been living here for over a year now.  Seems like, the best way to live, is to really seize opportunities to see and learn more. Really looking forward to our family trip around Chile soon and of course mom's cooking again! This time,  in my very own kitchen which I adore.
Oh, my parents would be here so very soon!
How brilliant :)

Mika has represented Chile several times in the Olympics for Skiing!

Luis kept Noah quiet by bribing him with some juice, it worked! :)

What do I know?

No, no I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.  I'm very much alive, although somewhat engulfed in a world within my own thoughts. The outcome of all this?  I know nothing at all. Nothing. This is just one revelation after traveling to Europe just last month. In the sense of - there was just so much to discover and take in that it was just so overwhelming. It's hard to express. This is how it feels at times to be in a foreign land. At least through it all, I have one re-affirming thought - Chile is the place I would always long for by the end of any trip. 
This is to say, I'm feeling less and less awkward here.
It's a nice feeling to long for my own bed and the comforts around these walls around me.

It's nice to know, that I would not want to leave, if I could turn faith in my favor.

Then almost instantly after stepping home,  I felt heaviness that I'm sure I brought home with me (aside from our luggage of course ).  ......only to come to realization that I brought it upon myself.  For starters, my obsession with Anne Frank.  I spent two days burried in her diary and then started researching everything about it.  The first night was infact the night we got in from Paris when we had one of those legendary black outs in Santiago.  I was with an emergency light next to my peaceful sleeping husband whilst I amused myself with her thoughts.  This then brought on some insane craze about the holocaust. My desire switched to Auschwitz. How I wanted to visit this place desperately- a true recipe for ultimate sadness.  My desire to get into the minds of people and to understand it all -  how I wanted a reason for such hate.  Its a strange feeling to get some sort of liberation from reading such sorrow or settling with being misunderstood at times. Then there are the re-occuring vivid memories of the homeless at Saint Germain. This was all happening of course while other people were dressed fit for a ball... sipping white wine a curb away, whiling their time away ...all this haunted me.  Also a friend leaves Chile shortly after, a friend that Luis always reminds me as he says, " That person is someone that really loves you". How true. That was love. Then to top it all off, I tune into CNN to get unnecessarily sucked into the Amanda Knox's saga.  All imposing repeating news, but as hard as it is to be oblivious to it all, imposible to ignore .....which is harder? picking up your life after 4 years of haters or just having to move on from something horrid?  Is life such, that we are suppose to carry some sort of hard drive for difficult memories to make us appreciate the simple things and just choose happiness? Maybe.

Why? Why? Why ? All these randomness. So much so that I felt utmost love and was almost in tears when my Pilates teacher agreed that I went up from 49 kgs to 51 kgs. That yes, maybe we could work on the arms a bit more . What joy was that to hear. What ultimate love did I feel from all this. I can't explain. This must be true love. Someone who wants to see the best in you without secondary thoughts.  His thoughts... far from anything other than that after having just complimented me for being able to stretch a bit further .
 Cause hey, it's his job to make me look good!  It got me wondering.

How much of true, sincere care and love do we get these days.  It was almost painful, a nostalgic hit on the head for me. Especially after seeing my real good friends in Amsterdam.  I remember looking out of the train into the blackness of the night and  how I felt like just sobbing on my back to Paris. ( Lucky I didn't,for Luis would have certainly thought I was out of my mind after such a remarkable trip).  These people...where do I start? These people knew me so well and I did feel that unconditional love at times where I felt no one else understood - when my feelings were too boxed up from fear of sharing matters I still have burried deep within me... some I'm sure till the day I die. Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the endless memories, for just being there, to happily accept my vulnerabilities, to take me in without a question, to move on with me.

Where can we run to these day? Who can we confide to about our problems? Oh, how I wish it wasn't so important to be self- sufficient these day! Well, as much as I would like to feel like how wonderful it would really be to be able to depend on countable people forever , to pray that God won't take them away.... it's just pure insanity. My top 10 people in my life would cease to exist. With this realization, comes what is distance then ? I ask myself.  I would use every cent to visit them just one more time.  I would sit through their problems time and time again.

 How many people would you do this for?

 To get sorted with some back up plan is where I should begin, since this is what I know for sure....happiness is a state of mind and I'm the master of it. People do have their own lives, people can't take on board your problems with all their heart and soul.  People sometimes prefer to forget that they had something to do with you and your problems. Bottom line is - everyone is trying to just move on, trying aswell to resolve their own issues.
Thus..leaving us back to square one- ourselves and God's grace

Though my husband is far from imperfection on this matter, how I wish he was imperishable. He certainly has an angel lurking about him. Always lucky, or rather -  always blessed. The US dollar went up not too long after thoughts of having to wait for his BBQ set had time to settle in or even larger matters at hand had time to play on his mind.

 How I wish he had a tail and I could just slide along.

 Second to that,  Mr. Pilates teacher have certainly come close to true love for me. Honestly. It goes like this. My fat, his heartache, my fitness his joy! The calmness of my breathing his concern. Honestly, how many people stand by yourside and breathe with you?
 This must be true love.  How can it not be?

Oh, how nice it would be,  if everyone loved us that much and tried to diminish our problems for us, it's just too harsh to think we care only about our well -being no? That there are too many Mr.and Mrs. Colds out there, that one could be so self -contained.
Oh, how I wish I could increase my top 10 to include you all!
Life then, life then would be far from imperfect.

Perfection in Time

I'm a strong believer that ultimate satisfaction comes only after a seriously long wait. I do mean a really long wait.  I'm sure I wouldn't have felt the same way opening the doors to our home, if I was expecting it at a specific date and actually received it.  After 9 months of staying at my mother-in-laws' (yeah I know, but she's neat though), we have moved into our very own first owned home.  I was so pumped up with adrenaline, when Luis abandoned  okay rather dropped me off at our home that first Friday in anticipation of our things. I went ballistic and unpacked everything and  honestly was sick by that night. Hindsight , it was kinda funny.  I was SO looking forward to spending our first night at our home, nevermind a bit of emptiness, but really when we went back to get more stuff from Luis's mums',  I just couldn't get out of bed.  I had a temperature and was paralyzed from pure tiredness!
SO, we had to spend another day there! ha ha

 Maybe too much excitement isn't too good.  Nah, actually it is always good. No regrets ! :)

Everything is almost furnished now and we're enjoying our second week with our stuff. There's so much space. I caught myself spending most of the first week in the kitchen staring randomly to the Andes and now I'm mostly in the living room.  I do spend a lot of time staring at the view, but I can't help but get distracted by our curtains which turned out to be a Salmon colour with this dirty poo-ish brown. What horror!  but nevermind, I'll wait patiently for our cream, deep chocolate ones to arrive - the right ones. Perfection in time has dominated my life. Even if it's just curtains and seem trivial, it will be perfect.  Bedroom wise, I´m loving our king size bed and the pretty pillows on it ( I have since moved on from my lady bug phase, I use to have these giant sized lady bugs on my bed).  Luis faithfully throws every pillow on the floor mostly to the other side of the room before he hits the sack. However, now that I AM on the other side, the pillows just land on my head! Oh, the comforts of the King Bed when no one hits you. Big picture Marsh, big picture - it's okay being hit on the head once in a while when someone has just bought you a house ! no? I do get shaken by it, I awake in shock and all, but then I´m like - this is really real! We do own it together, but I like to think of it as a huge present wrapped up nicely with a bow. It certainly feels like it !

More significantly - furniture talk.  There are plenty of choices and accessible retail stores nation wide, even an IKEA wannabee here in Santiago.  We, (being us) got a lot of our stuff costumed made at  LA GARGOLA.  For the same price or for only a fraction more , we managed to get better quality things and perfectly designed to our taste. Patience is definitely a necessity in the equation though and of course an important factor to consider. It takes around a month to get the final product, but it's so worth the wait.  So, here's the link. http://www.lagargola.cl for those that are in the bliss phase of furnishing.  It's basically a family business - they are a couple of creative brothers. They also have furniture for sale and now they have extended the space to include local designers. I have found my favourite Chilean designer too in the process. I'm even starting to have my very own mini collection of ("La Coliflor").  Will post a photo if I do catch myself wearing one of the pieces one of these days or if I'm simply in a posing mode, then it might be on site a wee bit earlier ;)

Ah, I must add that  I bought a belt of satin make, at the last designers do at La Gargola. Since then, ( around 3 weeks back) I have been fixated on getting a dress to go with it.  I had the perfect dress tailored in my mind, and after much dreaming, not hunting, I found the dress yesterday (such luck!).  So I'm all set for September's big event in France! and.... what do I know - Luis was thinking up the perfect tie for the event too and we'll eventually match.  Who knew his thoughts would be about clothes too, with all that's been happening around us. Luis? Clothes? Never :)  Luis's closet is bigger than mine! Honestly, physically it is.

Finally, we have had such a random winter. Luis just mentioned yesterday, how we probably won't make it to the ski fields this year. I was already beginning to swap around my clothes in anticipation of spring .  Today however as we were wrapping up at Pilates, ( the studio, has a fantastic view of the street where we see the ever beautiful cherry blossoms when weather permits) it started to snow ! It snowed for 4 hours  and the view was just incredible from our apartment.  God is marvelous that way; and reminds us how HE is the Master of all creations and with time, he makes all things beautiful.

This is just icing on the cake for us after moving in - such a sight.

 What a gift. It hasn't snowed in the city of Santiago for years now. I felt like a little kid -giddy with excitement. I remember mom's story about how she felt when we were in Manchester and she was alone (dad at Uni and us at school) and saw snow for the first time. I feel in a way, such joy.
Our lives parallel, but a generation apart.

 I'm sitting in our dining room, listening to the snow and

 enjoying a magnificent white canvas of houses and trees as the snow settles. Today will most certainly show tomorrow, and I'm just waiting to wake up to that!

View from our living room

Last Saturday in celebration of our 3rd wedding Anniversary@ Anakena, Hyatt