2018, and I'm back !

Hello 2018

Two kids later - time has literally passed me by. So I keep reading that I need to make days matter and that is my aim this year. Mostly to ensure I do a few things for myself. They say write down your goals, so I'm doing it and hopefully it'll reap some benefits. I hope to come back to this post and give myself a pat on the back. Let's see how things pan out!

1. Exercise more - at least twice a week
2. Cook more Malaysian food
3. Call people to catch up
4. Meet-up with friends
5. Travel with my kids
6. Get a new job
7  Try not to complain ... OK that is wishful thinking ...I'll try to complain less
8.  Eliminate some words from my vocabulary - like "always" that annoy certain people that matter.
9.  Pray everyday
10. Travel with my husband
11. Read everyday, read to my kids
12. Bake
13. Say how I feel in the best possible way
14. Do something nice for someone everyday
15. Make at least 2 more photo albums this year, hopefully one of Lucas
16. Write letters to my kids
17. Call people on their birthdays.
18. Say no
19. More date nights.
20. Teach Lucas to brush his teeth
21. Teach my kids to pray


Marsha M

Thoughts and A New Month

This new year was somewhat a new milestone for me in the way I live my life. Since having my son, I realized that I've felt such a huge sense of purpose in trying to do something right for someone else rather than myself. It got me thinking about simple things in my daily life. Thoughts of "what if ?" cloud my mind and is subdued by prayers. Below are the things I think about very so often now, things I've figured out and the way I'm trying to live my life.

1. Who would look after my son if Luis and I passed suddenly? Who has given me such love and security in  my life which surpasses even money? This question I have answered today. I'm glad I know.

2. I no longer think about my needs and wants anymore. This is such a great feeling. There is something so beautiful about living with a lot less. I have a huge desire to get rid of things which is leaving my home a lot more spacious especially my closet.

3. I say no to free stuff now. Trust me you get funny looks! :)

4. I try to do something nice for someone per week.  Today I let the car behind me take the park right in front of the supermarket. I found one 2 rounds later.

5. I think about how I might work again here in Chile, my true passion I think has surfaced and it brings a smile to my face.

6.  How I am truly happy and passionate about my marriage. It brings a smile to my face.

7.  It is important to try to keep calm and together in any situation. Strength comes from God.

8.  I vow to support my son in all ways. In his choices in life, in his occupation. As long as it's not harmful to anyone of course. 

9.  I remember the pains of growing up too quick. Also, in a way how that turned out to be my greatest gift

10. I know that if other peoples' concerns predominant my mind,  I'm not being true to myself.

11. I rather be honest and be hated than be fake.

12. I used to be very quiet, but now I know to speak to those that hear me and I'm blessed as I have great great people in my life

13. That children are the greatest gift from God if you realize it. I haven't laughed so much in my life. I catch myself starring at my son very so often.

14. I think about my lost cook book. Now where is it?

15. How I may use my clothes differently to save money.

16. To learn to say no to people. To not say only what people want to hear. To tell people things honestly if they ask, sometimes I just tell. True friends appreciate things like that.

17.  How to live a healthier life,  think about the meals we have at home. I don't spend more than an hour in the kitchen preparing them, but I hope I'll always prepare them with love.

18.  How difficult my Nana's life is with a 8 month old and how I could help her.

19.  How important is it to have a few hours in the week for myself. Simple thing like a hot cup of coffee and a slice of cake is therapeutical.

20. Who I haven't kept in touch for a while now, and people I must write to.

21. How food scared me at one stage of my life, and how I love to eat now but at the same time how much I respect my body to maintain it and work at it.

22. How nice it is to be in a warm home while it is raining outside. It was a trying time - to be "house-less" at times to be living with "friends"

23. I think twice before I complain.

24. Jesus all the time. I sing little hymns to my son and most of the time it calms him.

25. People that are nice. Don't they just radiate? I have a few friends like that. It's marvelous.

26. How parents are responsible for their children - good and bad. How much good they have done is always overshadowed by the hurt they have imparted upon their children. 

27. My glass of  red wine that my Luis never fails to offer me at the end of the day when we're relaxing after LA is in bed.

28. My Friday nights with Luis.

29. Names of my future kids. 

30. My grandfather.

My Great 2011

How quickly has my first year in Chile flown! There are too many beautiful things I better not forget about 2011: opportunities, friendships and particulars that I guess will forever change within me. So I've made this list (in no particular order). It's a way better form for me to count my blessings and remember the year in a nicely packed gift box with a big bow which I can pull open and look through when in need. The profound thing I learnt was that, as different as a place or how distinct my experiences might be, there is always a possibility of calling a place, "home" where ever that place may be.  This particular notion just makes me happy. Doesn't it make you?
 So here's my list of goodies xx

1.  I have a fantastic mother-in-law that housed us for 9 months.  Not only this year, but every other time I've lived in Chile. She's probably the dream mother-in-law for those that wish you could just disappear everytime you're at your in-laws. Plus, she's so poised and refined!

2. Luis managed to secure his previous job in BAT even after resigning to leave for AsiaPacific and did excellently in his job. He recently got promoted and is enjoying his work. Oh, we scored a new car with it, meaning I get Luis's Terracan :)

3. Traveled to a few countries in Europe : France, Italy, Netherlands and we caught up with our friends from our University and a couple of really good friends. Was awesome and invaluable!

4. We bought a home which we absolutely adore and somehow we're almost done with the furnishing! minus a room which will be done soon enough ;) and also a study area which we are working on.

5. I fulfilled my 2 major quest of being in Chile  for the first year. Firstly, to improve my Spanish, which I'm at a comfortable level now, Oh , I tell you! it's a lot of fun especially in the malls now :) and secondly, I was given the biggest gift of all, I'm pregnant and we are just over-joyed. Baby Unda.. we are waiting to meet you our love.

6. My parents visited us for the first time in Chile and we traveled all around the country. We covered the spectacular bits - The north, Atacama dessert the driest in the world and the South of Chile, Torres de Paine among the other Southern attractions that we saw - was high up there on the highlights ( a week before it got ablaze!) and also brought them to our close- to-the- heart Valparaiso as our Christmas gift to them.

7. I gotta love my father-in-law! What a great Christmas present for my parents, Luis and I for our trip to the South of Chile was a gift from him. Aside from that, he is also the dream father-in-law. I wait to see him in the weekends.

8. I found an excellent Pilates' studio to attend. I'm so thankful my pregnancy is going well and I  can continue it.

9. There are many more Asian shops around Chile and authentic food is getting more and more accessible now. From Korean to Chinese to Indian. On top of that, I must thank my parents also for sending me a box of goodies from home. It has arrived safely and is waiting for my hunger pangs to strike!

10. My mum was able to stay a month longer with me now, and is returning to Chile again for my birth. Thank you God for great flights! Emirates had a never before offer just a week back.

11. I have a great groups of ladies as friends here in Chile. Both socially and spiritually.

12. My Brother and Sister-in- law are great friends.

13. My Chilean Permanent Residence is well on its way after only a year of living in Chile and that also means I'm one step closer to securing my Chilean drivers licence.

14. Even though I have friends walking-in and out of my life (physically) God  has always put great people around me and at the same time have taught me to let go of some which I have done! Why waste time.

15. I have a great gynaecologist who speaks English too! Well delicate matters need to be handled well I guess! ;)

16. Thank God Thank God Thank God for our new maid!! She's God sent. She does everything that you would normally wish you wouldn't have to ask your maid to do. Even the scum that hides in hard to reach areas in the bath tub. God only knows, with my ever growing stomach,  I'll just fall over trying to clean it. Plus I'm obsessive about cleaning! Jenny definitely brings back some sanity in my life.

17. I have a wonderful husband that I can laugh with and be proud of. That still makes me feel like there is no one else in the world, when he looks at me and makes my heart flutter when I see him.

18. I have had such a wonderful pregnancy that I'm starting to really embrace the idea of  having 3 kids.

19. I managed to learn a few photography tips from a really good friend and I'm really enjoying it.

20. Luis & I found our little favourite escape spot and it's here in Chile

 Oh, I'm just glad I doubled my list this year effortlessly! Happy New Year's all.

Enjoy life and you'll truly live  xx

Fabulous pork ribs & beef for dinner

We got to appreciate the fireworks from the terrace of our apartmenet- the whole 20 minutes without having to fight for the best spot!

My 31st Birthday Dinner with Family. Mum cooked her Macaroni dish & Luis a Red Sauced Pasta- was divine

Luis took me for a more intimate birthday dinner at the newest Korean BBQ restauramt in Santiago

What do I know?

No, no I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.  I'm very much alive, although somewhat engulfed in a world within my own thoughts. The outcome of all this?  I know nothing at all. Nothing. This is just one revelation after traveling to Europe just last month. In the sense of - there was just so much to discover and take in that it was just so overwhelming. It's hard to express. This is how it feels at times to be in a foreign land. At least through it all, I have one re-affirming thought - Chile is the place I would always long for by the end of any trip. 
This is to say, I'm feeling less and less awkward here.
It's a nice feeling to long for my own bed and the comforts around these walls around me.

It's nice to know, that I would not want to leave, if I could turn faith in my favor.

Then almost instantly after stepping home,  I felt heaviness that I'm sure I brought home with me (aside from our luggage of course ).  ......only to come to realization that I brought it upon myself.  For starters, my obsession with Anne Frank.  I spent two days burried in her diary and then started researching everything about it.  The first night was infact the night we got in from Paris when we had one of those legendary black outs in Santiago.  I was with an emergency light next to my peaceful sleeping husband whilst I amused myself with her thoughts.  This then brought on some insane craze about the holocaust. My desire switched to Auschwitz. How I wanted to visit this place desperately- a true recipe for ultimate sadness.  My desire to get into the minds of people and to understand it all -  how I wanted a reason for such hate.  Its a strange feeling to get some sort of liberation from reading such sorrow or settling with being misunderstood at times. Then there are the re-occuring vivid memories of the homeless at Saint Germain. This was all happening of course while other people were dressed fit for a ball... sipping white wine a curb away, whiling their time away ...all this haunted me.  Also a friend leaves Chile shortly after, a friend that Luis always reminds me as he says, " That person is someone that really loves you". How true. That was love. Then to top it all off, I tune into CNN to get unnecessarily sucked into the Amanda Knox's saga.  All imposing repeating news, but as hard as it is to be oblivious to it all, imposible to ignore .....which is harder? picking up your life after 4 years of haters or just having to move on from something horrid?  Is life such, that we are suppose to carry some sort of hard drive for difficult memories to make us appreciate the simple things and just choose happiness? Maybe.

Why? Why? Why ? All these randomness. So much so that I felt utmost love and was almost in tears when my Pilates teacher agreed that I went up from 49 kgs to 51 kgs. That yes, maybe we could work on the arms a bit more . What joy was that to hear. What ultimate love did I feel from all this. I can't explain. This must be true love. Someone who wants to see the best in you without secondary thoughts.  His thoughts... far from anything other than that after having just complimented me for being able to stretch a bit further .
 Cause hey, it's his job to make me look good!  It got me wondering.

How much of true, sincere care and love do we get these days.  It was almost painful, a nostalgic hit on the head for me. Especially after seeing my real good friends in Amsterdam.  I remember looking out of the train into the blackness of the night and  how I felt like just sobbing on my back to Paris. ( Lucky I didn't,for Luis would have certainly thought I was out of my mind after such a remarkable trip).  These people...where do I start? These people knew me so well and I did feel that unconditional love at times where I felt no one else understood - when my feelings were too boxed up from fear of sharing matters I still have burried deep within me... some I'm sure till the day I die. Thank you, thank you, thank you! for the endless memories, for just being there, to happily accept my vulnerabilities, to take me in without a question, to move on with me.

Where can we run to these day? Who can we confide to about our problems? Oh, how I wish it wasn't so important to be self- sufficient these day! Well, as much as I would like to feel like how wonderful it would really be to be able to depend on countable people forever , to pray that God won't take them away.... it's just pure insanity. My top 10 people in my life would cease to exist. With this realization, comes what is distance then ? I ask myself.  I would use every cent to visit them just one more time.  I would sit through their problems time and time again.

 How many people would you do this for?

 To get sorted with some back up plan is where I should begin, since this is what I know for sure....happiness is a state of mind and I'm the master of it. People do have their own lives, people can't take on board your problems with all their heart and soul.  People sometimes prefer to forget that they had something to do with you and your problems. Bottom line is - everyone is trying to just move on, trying aswell to resolve their own issues.
Thus..leaving us back to square one- ourselves and God's grace

Though my husband is far from imperfection on this matter, how I wish he was imperishable. He certainly has an angel lurking about him. Always lucky, or rather -  always blessed. The US dollar went up not too long after thoughts of having to wait for his BBQ set had time to settle in or even larger matters at hand had time to play on his mind.

 How I wish he had a tail and I could just slide along.

 Second to that,  Mr. Pilates teacher have certainly come close to true love for me. Honestly. It goes like this. My fat, his heartache, my fitness his joy! The calmness of my breathing his concern. Honestly, how many people stand by yourside and breathe with you?
 This must be true love.  How can it not be?

Oh, how nice it would be,  if everyone loved us that much and tried to diminish our problems for us, it's just too harsh to think we care only about our well -being no? That there are too many Mr.and Mrs. Colds out there, that one could be so self -contained.
Oh, how I wish I could increase my top 10 to include you all!
Life then, life then would be far from imperfect.

January Tales

It's January 18th. Time has really flown but that's always a good thing in my books. So, I've turned 30 years old :) That morning of my birthday, I was up early and looked at my watch, 5 something in the morning. No, it can't be happening ! you know when everyone tells you that you don't need that much sleep as you age and your just think nah, that's ridiculous and a long way coming, well, that creeped up on me slowly and came to reality. I was up way too early, and it freaked me out all right. But, I'm happy to inform you all or rather I'm just happy in my own little world that it just happened on my 30th birthday morning :)

 -  I still feel great only after around 8 hours of sleep and on top of the world at 10 hours :-)  wiii that's kinda a young thing no?!

Turns out, I was hyped out for my cocktail birthday party. It turned out so well. I feel so blessed. After, celebrating again these recent years on a bigger scale with Luis, I don't think I'll stop..for a very long time. I think I'm addicted to my birthday parties like this, the adrenaline of it all. It's the one chance I get to have people all in my place celebrating me or rather the fact that I'm aging  !!

Why age alone right? Exactly.

So how does it feel being 30? Well, I'm generally happy. I think I owe much of it to my 20s though -  my close circle of friends at uni,  I found my soulmate ( yes, I believe in soulmates, and mine is a hottie), the invaluable work experiences and the years at Dunners, Melbourne & Sydney - the years I actually had a lot of say in who I actually wanted to be, it all turned out okay, Thank God.  Well, I believe life's about making life decisions all the time and for me the great importance of it all happened in my 20s, especially since I lived away from my parents. Now it's all over! No, of course I don't mean that, I was just joking :) Life can't be stagnant and non-evolving.  I feel now at 30, I get to develop myself a bit more, it's my time. A lot of people say 20s are for themselves. I thought about this but, I can't seem to agree.  I think the 20s, at least for myself, I spent a lot of time getting things done for others, loving the approval I got from my professors, friends and parents. The simplest explanation to this - assignments for uni rather than finishing a book :) Now at 30, whatever I do, it's because it's going be my choice.  Maybe, I'll take up a photography class, with my handy Canon G12 which I love. Always wanted a personal trainer too or maybe I'll just spend days at an end just reading :)

How can I forget now that I'm almost well?! health is by far, my ultimate goal,

 it really puts life in good perspective for me.  

Oh, being 30 feels comfortable, promises calm and everything I hoped for. Loving it.

Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree !

Guess who got landed the job? Moi. What horror!? Not that I'm complaining or anything but seriously people? You trust me to put up the tree, the lights and all without causing some kind of electrical emergency?   I must admit back home in Malaysia, I was not heavily involved with our gorgeous tree which we religiously put up on the 1st December every year - Pa always did the lights, Ness seemed to enjoy decorating, admiring and giving input from a distance and I figured mum just had to love the whole Christmas season. How else could anyone fathom why she always seemed happy making up to 6 to 7 different kinds of cookies and cooking up a storm at Christmas annually.  To think that mum would even dread putting up the tree would leave us no hope and would see us all at some kopitiam ( slang for coffee shop) . What I recall,  Pa seemed to be happy with his duty - the lights; and of course life must have been easier with his two faithful helpers unravelling the cord of lights for him.  Oh,  how I wish Ruffer especially at that time (our brother the dog) was trained to help around a bit more. He has since graduated from his love of sitting on our heads which is such a relieve and  he seems much more civilised and adorable as the years go by. Kinda feel bad that I forgot to say bye to him, my beloved brother before leaving for Chile

Oh,  how I missed my family especially when I had to put up the tree all by myself, pretty dreadful I tell you.  I even had a sob session, not because I was too sad or anything well of course a bit, but because I felt " What accomplishment!" .
What options did I have anyways? What.....I am supposed to say to my darling mother-in-law who's housing ,  feeding us and mostly thrilled that we are around indefinitely that I would rather help out with the tree when she comes back from work? All worn-out from government bureaucracy,  worst still-  whilst I've had time to leisure my day away.
 No..I don't think so.
I guess I could settle with that option but I would probably be pushing my luck just a bit there.

 Turns out though, to my great surprise,  I enjoyed every minute of it.  I do enjoy watching the very red and gold tree flicker away crazily, in an epilepsy inducing kinda way. Feels like home.  More so now that Christmas is approaching,  it looks even better with the pressies, especially the pink paper bag that's mine.  Wee!!!!...Christmas is so close by and I'm so happy to have done a tree before I turned 30! 
Oh, give me some credit! I do have higher ambitions people then to put up a tree :)
Really got to thank my parents for this - for getting us hyped-up with the whole Christmas saga.  I have since managed to even guilt trip Luis slowly but surely, into agreeing to put a tree when our first baby Unda pops out of me -  he agreed to the idea, but the deco? At this stage, my mother-in-law quickly suggested that she'll help with the deco. Ha ! I guess we can't win it all can we? but I've realized that we can depend on people that love us when we need them and I figured that's something, something to treasure.
 Merry Christmas all with much love, M




Voila ! Presenting the radiating red tree

 

My Nokia

I own a new phone people ( let's jump for joy !) Today, I'm saying a final goodbye to my 6 year old Nokia. This is a post dedicated to my loyal phone; we've gone through so much together, no matter what everyone said, I stuck to it and actually for a very long time nothing came close. No seriously,  I've been so satisfied with it to the point of finding it hard to talk about prospects of  a new phone -  it was a sentimental thing. In fact my dad said to me today, "[12:53:26 PM] Allan Mathews: Hi Marsh keep it 4sentimental reasons luv Papa"
  - the Nokia was always with me, we traveled the world together , got through a long distance relationship, shared the best memories to date and it even survived a few comas
 (  unfortunately I'm to blame for that )

and it still pulled through !

 Oh, I'm heavy hearted to move on but it's about time and to be honest,

-  I so so love my new phone,  my pretty iPhone4 that's not unique in any way but so very stylish in black
( oh, I need to cover it up quickly with something green perhaps!)

Goodies!,  I'm finally in the zone with the Mathews', ...okay I agree maybe a good majority of people on

Planet Earth ! < big grin>



Thank you so very much my loyal companion !
 ( thank you thank you thank you to my Luis too -  you've been offering for almost a year now I believe ?!)



Lunch of Artichoke

So you're home alone and lunch time comes around.  Thoughts of " instant, defrost and heat-up" are high up there on the thought list and it sounds all-so-convenient!
and....while we're at it, maybe the need to dash in between ad-breaks to the kitchen and back again to that oh-so-comfy spot you were at,  are high up there too lurking and filling up a huge section of your thought system.  Familiar? :)

Well, this is a life I could choose everyday.  Moreover, I wouldn't actually have to do all that running in between ads too cause I'll have the house-keeper (Gloria) to do all that. Oh, c'mon! of course I know the "once-in-a-while" argument

  I've played it in my crazy mind of mine so so many times not including thoughts of the amount of calories I could potentially burn while running to the kitchen and back and of course shamefully thinking that that would be sufficient exercise for the day cause I'll actually have to prepare my own food when

Gloria's not around -by heating. 

Hey, but guess what?  I've discovered the celebration of food -  the beauty of taking delight in the whole process, the preparing, choosing what you eat and having a good meal !

It's all so wonderfully therapeutic.

 When you feel good inside, it shows  plus the extra trouble you'll initially put in, like the need to wash those fresh veges will spare you some time at the gym and if you're anything like me, you'll tend to feel incredibly great, self delusional and tend to dance around a bit in front of the mirror <smiles>

...........

 I'm mostly alone at lunch now, which is actually less stressful for me because honestly,  I'm a very slow eater- I'm sure people who know me won't contest except for a certain Miss Rachel cause she's by far the slowest eater I know - no honestly, when the waiter comes, we're all like,
 " Give it to Rachel !"

Thank God mum understood my need to chew real slow from a young age.  At that disturbing adolecent age too, I didn't even speak much, so she used to keep portions on my plate at meal times. 

But hey, I left home when I was 17,
so not  much fun when you actually have to scavenge for food that's right in front of you, have the whole
 waiter - hovering-over- you- scene cause the restaurant needs to shut down and the list goes on. 

At the Unda's,  it's no different. The Unda's are super fast eaters - I'm still figuring out the whole ice-cream parlour experience with them - how did they eat it up all so quickly and in mid-winter? Beats me.
Moreover, this thing I do also really doesn't help

-  I take breaks while eating, honestly like 10 minute ones
 ( I'm working on toning this down a bit especially when in the midst of others)

 Anyways. here's my afternoon with the artichoke. Even when alone, set your meal nicely wherever you're most comfy at - perhaps on a pretty tray too if you're not close enough to a dining table, try to have a balanced meal that's not too prosessed and enjoy every bite cause it'll surely make you feel good!  

 (I would have had a glass of white wine with my meal too but failed to discover where the mother-in-law keeps it all !)



Lots of veges and a piece of meat on a nice lined tray, a touch of chili for the meat ,
salt, pepper & extra virgin olive oil for the salad 



This was the stage I arrived at during my 10 minute break -  getting to the heart of the artichoke (the yummy bit)

1 hour later,  thanks to Luis, who took the trouble ( a couple of days before) and had had the patience to teach me to get to the "yummier" bits - to get through all that spine the artichoke has without causing a mess of the beautiful artichoke
 & more importantly, without causing any injury to the fingers
Oh, my newest craze ! -  The Artichoke.   I'm kooky about it also because of its nutritional value - it reduces cholesterol, aids in digestion, strengthens our liver and gall bladder function !
The Artichoke -  who new? :)